i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
