like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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