Four minutes until I can fart!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
