Plan B is the new Plan A
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
