If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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