Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
