dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
