I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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