I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
