What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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