She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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