Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm really busy with my period
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