Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
