god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
