Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
