Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Randomize
