I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
