Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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