Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
