My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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