Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
