You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the day after is always just damage control
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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