He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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