you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
