umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize