i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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