Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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