cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
