It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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