What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
