I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
