She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
