My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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