I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
