hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I know her cup size but not her name....
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