Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
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Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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