omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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