you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
