Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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