um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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