just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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