my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
