i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
