No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
