I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
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Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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