I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Drunk is not a location!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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