Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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