i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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