I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
