Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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