i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
