I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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