I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
