I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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