Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
