i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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