Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
