So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
