I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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