Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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