I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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