I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
