Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
