Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
