Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
