She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
