Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
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